[SOLVED] Emotional Intelligence and Reframing
Im trying to study for my Communications course and I need some help to understand this question.
Have you applied for a job and had to take a questionnaire asking questions about how you feel in certain situations? From the medical industry to working at Subway employers are more concerned than ever with your EQ or Emotional Intelligence.
The work on EQ began in 1990 and is defined asthe ability to perceive emotions; to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought; to understand emotions and emotional knowledge; and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth.
No longer are we concerned with one’s IQ. We’ve learned that it is a poor predictor in how successful someone will be. But, an EQ is the something that is in each of us. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate through social interactions, and make personal decisions.
So, let’s begin this assignment with you taking a brief EQ test. Click on the link below and answer the questions. ANSWER HONESTLY!!!! THERE’S NOTHING LEARNED IF YOU PUT ANSWERS YOU THINK ARE THE RIGHT ANSWER BUT NOT HOW YOU TRULY REACT/THINK.
Be aware – after you complete the test and click on “Calculate Your Results” a pop up will ask you to create a login to save your results…just close that box and then you can read the interpretation of your score.
FOR THE FIRST PART OF YOUR ENTRY I WANT YOU TO:
- Share what your results were.
- Do you agree or disagree with them
- If you agree with the results offer at least one example from your personal life that supports THE RESULTS.
- If you disagree with the results offer at least one example from your personal life that supports THE RESULTS. I did not make a mistake there. I want you analyze if you do behave in ways that fit with the results.
- PLEASE NOTE- The results of this test will give you some feedback based on the work environment. Think outside the box when you discuss the results in your entry my friends.
Now that you have examined your Emotional Intelligence a bit, let’s put them to the test and do some work on REFRAMING EMOTIONS.
Have you ever said to yourself – “I wish I didn’t feel that way” or “Why am I feeling like this?” or “You are making me feel horrible!”?
Wanting to change how we feel is a very normal thing. The problem is we tend to focus on changing the wrong things.
This part of the assignment is intended for you to become very comfortable with one of the most important and powerful ways to change how you feel about something.
Here is how it works:
First, in all real life situations there is an activating event. This can be absolutely anything that happens around you. Because it is something that happens outside of your control, it is extremely difficult to change the activating event.
Next, comes our thoughts of the activating event. It’s really simple, what do you think about what just happened?
Next, comes our feelings about the situation. It is imperative you understand that these things do happen in a particular order. We feel a certain way because of what we thought about it.
Finally, comes our behavior as a result of how we feel.
Activating Event ? Thoughts ? Feelings ? Behavior
There are ONLY two parts to this that you CAN change…your thoughts and your behavior.
Let me give you an example: My sister and I used to be roommates and one day we came home together and hit “play” on our answering machine. We stood in the kitchen at the exact same time and listened to the exact same message. It was a friend of ours who said something like “oh my gosh Tara you have to call me back right away (activating event). I thought to myself, “oh no, she’s pissed at me,” so the result was me feeling annoyed. As I walked out of the kitchen I quietly said, “I’m not calling her back.” (behavior). At the exact same time my sister heard the message (same activating event), but she thought to herself, “ooh she must have a juicy story from what happened last night.” As a result my sister felt a little excited to find out what had happened. So, she said to me, why aren’t you calling her back (behavior) I want to know what happened!
All in all, its a pretty silly example, but it clarifies my point perfectly in illustrating how feelings work and where they come from. Feelings do not come from what other people do, they come from how we think about what other people do. So, if you ever want to change your feelings the key is to REFRAMING how you think about the event. Reframing is changing how you THINK and talk about a situation. It all has to do with your language choices. You can read more about this on page 270 in your text.
Here’s an example a former student gave to me quite a while ago. He was married and was working about 50 hours a week at the time. Mondays were his late days and he explained to us that it would always drive him crazy when he would get home from work on a Monday and his wife would be at the door, ready to ask him a bunch of question about their home, or their kids, or something. All he wanted to do was take a shower and have dinner because he was so exhausted. They had fought about this for months. So, in class he asked me about how he could reframe that situation to feel differently about it. This is what we tried, I asked him what the activating event was…he explained it was his wife’s immediate questions right at the front door. I asked him what he currently thought about this activating event. He explained that he thought it was unnecessary and rude and that led him to feel angry and annoyed. Those behaviors led him to yell at her and they always fought. Now, this model says there’s nothing we can do to change the activating event,what we can change is how we think about it (reframing). So, he and I discussed the idea that there is a lot going on in their household and on Monday’s she does not get a chance to talk to you before you take a shower, eat and fall fast asleep. I asked him to think about her perspective and maybe she’s hoping to catch you for the two minutes you are awake right when you get home so she can get her questions answered. He said he never thought about it like that and that he already felt less annoyed. So, he decided rather than get angry at her when he walked in the door, he would put his briefcase down, look right at her and answer any questions she had. He came back on another day and told us how this changed everything for the better. Because he thought about that she might need him for a couple of minutes, he would give his undivided attention. Then she was no longer angry either and he told us now after his shower, she would have dinner ready on their bed for him. She would make sure the kids gave him some space and she was grateful he gave her those couple of minutes. That is ALL because he reframed how he looked at the situation.
FOR THE SECOND PART OF YOUR ENTRY I WANT YOU TO TRY THIS
Part 1 – Think about a situation in your life when someone regularly upsets you in some way (the activating event). WRITE how you have thought about that situation, explain what that thought has lead you to feel and explain how you would behave as a result.
Part 2 – Reframe it. Remind us of the situation, but next EXPLAIN how you could think about it differently.
Part 3 – Did your emotions change after doing the reframing? Share what they changed to.
Part 4 – Describe how you will or did behave differently after changing those thoughts.
Part 5 – Discuss how Emotional Intelligence and Reframing work together. As with most of our assignments. This shouldn’t be a one or two sentence discussion. This discussion should show critical thinking and depth of thought in proving how well you understand these concepts and what they mean together.